


Repression of depression

by kittykat0989



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Oneshot, References to Depression, different kind of writing style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 11:14:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15484533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittykat0989/pseuds/kittykat0989
Summary: A small insight into Dan's head when a depressive episode happens.





	Repression of depression

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just a slight snippet into how it feels (for me) when going through a depressive episode. People who care about you and that you care about are the best people to help drag you out of that dark hole. I wrote this whilst coming out of one of those episodes so it's not the best thing I've ever written. Even so, I hope this is...Enjoyable? 
> 
> Please leave a comment and let me know what you think.

_Repress. Repress. Repress. Just a little longer. Just till you're alone._

"Are you alright, Dan?"

"M'fine." _Repress, repress, re-_

"You're acting a little spaced out and quiet...Are you-"

"I said, I'm fine. Phil." _Please stop asking. Don't make me say it. Repress. Don't sink into the hole. Repress._

"...You don't sound 'fine'. You know you can always-"

"I  _know_ , Phil. Just-...Please stop asking." _Please. I just need to repress it. It just needs to go away so I can feel okay._

"...Alright. If that's what you want."

"...Yes." _It is. It really is. I don't want you to know. I want you to think I'm better. Hell, **I** want think I'm better. Repress, repress, repress, re-_

"Alright. Shutting up now."

"Thank you."  _Sweet silence. Thank you. Repress, repress re...Why is he looking at me like that?_

"...I love you, Dan."

"..." _...Why? I'm broken. How can you love something so tainted in darkness? How can you even look at me right now? I'm so disgusting and useless and-_

"I mean it. I love you, like, a lot. I'm not good with words like you but...Yeah. That heart flippy over thing is still a...thing."

"..."  _...I felt it. It aches. It's tugging at my chest where I feel so empty. Repress, re-...Just...A little...Longer..._

"Dan, I-"

"I love you, too."  _I do. I really do. It hurts and I need to repress the darkness but it also represses the light and I love the light. The light loves me too._

"...You're not okay, are you?"

"...No."  _But I want to be. For you. For me. For us._

"It'll pass. And I'll be here until it does."

"...I know. Thank you."  _Floating in the darkness. Anchored to the sun. The black hole won't swallow me whilst I'm protected and loved._


End file.
